


i don't want you crying, so smile?

by taylorstwice



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, and they have a cat named Diamond, hyunjin is a smartie, i warned you, this is a short fam fic, this is pain, viseul, vivi and haseul are in pain, yeojin is viseul's kid, yeoviseul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28928643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice
Summary: Haseul and Vivi meets Yeojin after 4 months.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Jo Haseul & Viian Wong | ViVi & Im Yeojin, Jo Haseul/Viian Wong | ViVi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	i don't want you crying, so smile?

It’s a quiet drive towards Heejin and Hyunjin’s personal workplace. Haseul’s driving the car with Vivi sitting on the passenger seat, looking ahead the road with a distant look on her face. It’s the day they will see Yeojin again. A smile crosses through Vivi’s face before it disappears again when she sees a kid wearing a frog onesie walking on the sidewalk with her mother, a happy look shining on the kid’s face as she looks up at her parent who’s also smiling at her.

She can’t help but sigh, turning away to look somewhere else. Haseul, although driving, picks up on this.

Haseul has been gauging her wife’s mood, her expressions, everything Vivi does, she tries to calculate. It’s been 5 months since they left Yeojin in Seoul with Heejin and Hyunjin, and she knows her wife had missed the little kid so badly. She reaches for Vivi’s hand and squeezes it, giving the older woman a loving smile when Vivi turns to look at her.

Vivi smiles back, albeit she’s still a little down.

She wonders what Yeojin’s reaction would be when they all finally meet.

Will she be mad?

Will she be upset?

Will she cry?

It’s understandable, she did _leave_ her alone.

 **“Don’t worry honey, we’ll be fine.”** Haseul – who seems to read Vivi’s spiraling mind – tries to reassure her wife sitting on the passenger seat even though she has her own heart beating against her chest as if it wants to go away, far away from wherever they were going to.

Between the two, even though Vivi feels bad, Haseul knows that her own guilt, something she’s been familiar with, has been ripping her alive. Ever since she left, and returned, and left again, the guilt that was as small as a ladybug had grown into a monster that even after she wakes up from a nightmare, she still sees. Past through Vivi’s consoling words and the gentle pats her wife gives her whenever they go to sleep every night, Haseul always, _always_ , keeps her eyes on the spot behind the door.

It’s there, and it’s never going away.

And even though it claws at her ferociously at times, she still keeps her back turned on it because she needs to stay strong for Vivi.

Vivi’s weak, and she needs to stay strong.

It’s the only way they can both live.

When Haseul spots the familiar building – a three story that’s owned by their two friends – towering over the decent sizes houses in the neighborhood, she subconsciously takes a deep breath as she squeezes Vivi’s hands again that she finds now intertwined with her own.

Haseul parks the car on the wide driveway of Heejin and Hyunjin’s place, turning off the car and giving one last encouraging smile before taking her seatbelt off and going out of the vehicle. Vivi follows soon after, traces of hesitation still lingering on her face. Haseul grabs her hand and pulls the older closer to her, squeezing her hand again.

It has been their way of saying that they’re both here for one another.

Haseul and Vivi stop before the door and the older of the two raises her hand to knock, a moment of hesitation going through her as flashes of imagined reactions play in her mind.

_“Where have you been?!”_

_“You left me all alone!”_

_“I hate you!”_

_“I don’t want to talk to you!”_

_“You’re the worst mothers! I wis---”_ Haseul pulls her out of her head with a squeeze on her hand and a concerned look on her face. Vivi turns to her and smiles, shaking her head. **“I’m fine.”**

Vivi releases the breath she’s been holding and knocks on the door.

A thud soon echoes from inside, and then loud running footsteps towards the door.

Heejin opens the barrier with a smile, greeting her two friends. **“Hi unnies!”** She leans in and gives the two women hugs. **“It’s been awhile huh? Come in. Yeojin’s waiting for you.”**

The two walk in to see Hyunjin on the floor with her head smacked on the ground, their cat, Diamond, lying on Hyunjin’s back calmly.

 **“Hyunjin wanted to open the door but when she stood up, Diamond was on the way so she tripped herself so she wouldn’t hurt the cat.”** Heejin details, feeling like she needs to give the two the full-on note.

Hyunjin only gives the three a thumbs up to confirm her girlfriend’s story.

Vivi and Haseul chuckle despite the heavy feeling starting to grow in their hearts.

 **“Do you want to go and see Yeojin or do you want to have some time to settle down first?”** Heejin smiles understandingly at her unnies. **“It’s not like she’ll go somewhere or something. She’ll _always_ wait for you two.”**

Somehow, Heejin’s words seems to prick Vivi’s heart and her slight tremble doesn’t go unnoticed by her wife and so she asks Heejin. **“C-Can we…C-Can we sit and have some water?”**

 **“Sure.”** Heejin hits Hyunjin with her foot. **“I’ll grab unnies some water, you talk to them.”**

 **“So…how’s Yeojin?”** Haseul asks Hyunjin who turns from lying on her stomach. The human cat stares at the ceiling for a bit, trying to remember what she’s been doing to Yeojin these past few days.

In the end, she settles not saying anything about their interactions.

**“She’s been okay. She’s been settling herself in after you guys left, so if I would compare her first few days here to now, I would say she’s fine. She’s been missing you though, been whining these past few days.”**

Vivi chuckles, rubbing her knuckles. **“That sure sounds like Yeojin.”**

Hyunjin nods as she goes with the chuckling, looking down on her hands as she stays still on the floor. **“Unnies.”** Hyunjin releases a quiet sigh before looking up at the two. **“How are you guys?”**

 **“We’re…”** Haseul drags the word, not knowing how long they’ve been saying these two words to everyone. **“fine.”**

She remembers how Sooyoung went off at them for acting for a long time. How Jiwoo practically begged them to go seek help.

 **“We’ve been trying to keep ourselves okay after we left.”** Vivi says with a hint of a small but sad smile on her face.

 **“Did it work? Did you somehow release all the hurt inside you?”** Hyunjin trudges on with the questions carefully, not wanting to trigger her unnies like last time. It ended badly with the two screaming at each other, with her and Heejin only watching as the two destroyed one another with their words.

Heejin watches from the kitchen door, holding two glasses of water. She’s been there, watching, for some time, yet she keeps herself silent.

She can’t afford to interrupt this.

 **“I think so.”** Haseul goes back to four months ago, when she can’t handle to see Vivi without her broken heart tearing itself into even more pieces, and when Vivi can’t look at her without breaking down to tears.

They have healed.

A bit.

That’s fine instead of no improvement at all.

**“Do you think you two can face Yeojin now?”**

The couple freeze at the question.

Can they?

The courage they’ve been trying to pile up for the past months, is it still in there?

Is it still keeping them intact?

To be honest, the two don’t know.

 **“I mean,”** Haseul sighs. **“we won’t know if we don’t try.”**

Heejin shakes her head when she meets her girlfriend’s eyes after Hyunjin had gotten off of the floor, the cat immediately understanding what she meant.

 **“Hey. We don’t have to rush, unnie.”** Hyunjin shakes her head as she pushes Haseul gently back on the couch.

**“Yeojin can wait.”**

**“That’s all she’s been doing, Hyun.”** Haseul bows her head as she hears the distant scratching of long claws somewhere in the room. Guilt is back and it’s near her. Her eyes involuntarily fly towards the direction of the door, seeing two very veiny feet peeking from the other side, and she feels herself shudder. **“She’s always been waiting for us.”**

A tense silence enters the room until everyone hears Hyunjin’s sigh. The cat looks up from staring down at the floor, looking at her unnie’s with an intense gaze. **“Do you really want to see her now?”**

They need to stop being afraid.

So Vivi takes the initiative and nods her head for the two of them.

 **“Okay. Go enter that room beside the bathroom and settle yourselves on the couch in the middle of the room. Go put the things on the couch, Yeojin said she wanted to play roleplay with you two when you arrive. Just do it, you know how cranky she gets when we don’t go with her antics.”** This earns them a chuckle from the married couple, and Hyunjin celebrates internally. Hyunjin enters the room beside that room and disappears, staring right at her computer.

This is a mild anesthesia before the unbearable pain that nothing can stop.

Haseul turns to her wife, offering a tight-lipped smile as she pats her way to Vivi’s hand, silently interlocking it as a sign of being _there. She’s here and she’s never going to leave again._ **“Are you ready to see her?”**

Vivi stands up and looks down at Haseul who’s still sitting, her unoccupied hand reaching out and caressing her wife’s cheek, getting hit by the sudden feeling of **“Not really, but I do need to face her, don’t I?”**

 **“She’s not going to be mad, right?”** Vivi whispers as they step inside the room.

**“She’s not going to yell, she’s not going to be---”**

Haseul stops Vivi from walking and puts herself in front of the older, putting their interlocked hands between them. She hands the glasses to Vivi and puts her own, and then slips her gloves. **“We just need to trust…Yeojin, okay?”**

 **“I hope she forgives me.”** Vivi takes a seat on the couch, her hold on Haseul’s hand so tight that it’s turning purple, but Haseul understands. She knows Vivi’s scared to face Yeojin.

They were both scared to face her.

Haseul wanted to answer her, to reassure her that the kid would, but then she would be lying.

Everything seems at peace inside the room until they hear the creak of a door.

And then a voice.

 **“Mom?”** Haseul’s heart drops when she follows the voice and sees Yeojin peeping from the other side of a door that Hyunjin’s opened, her dumpling styled hair catching their eyes and it throws her back to the past.

 **“Yeojin?!”** Haseul quickly opens her arms and Yeojin rushes towards her, stopping and kneeling before her mothers who sit on the couch. A happy smile etches Yeojin’s _glitching_ face. **“Mom, Yeojin missed you.”**

Haseul pulls Yeojin into her arms while Yeojin grabs one of Vivi’s hand, a tear slipping through the woman’s eyes when she feels nothing but _thin air_ but it’s fine _._

She can still feel her through the tips of her gloved hands, her covered fingers, she can feel those hands she had held that special day – November 11.

 **“Oh god, I missed you so much baby.”** Haseul starts sobbing as she hugs _air._

 **“Ma.”** Yeojin turns to look at Vivi, who’s been watching Haseul interact with her this whole time, eyes shining her own unshed tears. **“Hmmm?”**

When Yeojin smiles at her, it’s when they all fall. **“Why are you crying?”**

 **“Ma,”** Yeojin reaches up and wipes Vivi’s tears, and Vivi wishes that it was real. The tear trails are still on her cheeks, the tears are still dripping down from her chin. **“please don’t blame yourself for Yeojin’s death.”**

How painful this is.

But they need this to finally let go of their little girl.

Yeojin shakes her head as she continues to smile at her mother. **“It’s not your fault. It was no one’s fault.”** She turns to Haseul then Vivi, her left hand held by Haseul and her right wiping Vivi’s tears. **“Yeojin understands that you couldn’t get to her in time.”**

At this point, Vivi starts sobbing as the scene plays in her mind. The fire. The shouts. Yeojin looking at her through her window. Yeojin giving her a smile before everything had gone into splinters and ashes. **“I’m so sorry Yeojin. I’m so sorry for not being able to save you.”**

Yeojin moves her hand from her Vivi’s cheek to her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. **“Ma, you couldn’t have done anything. It was an accident. You can’t stop it from happening.”**

After making sure that she had sent what she wants to say to her Mama, Yeojin turns to Haseul. **“And Mom.”** Yeojin takes and raises her hand to caresses Haseul’s cheek, causing more shattering in the woman’s heart as she realizes that she won’t be able to feel this ever again. Yeojin smiles at her mom and stares right through her. **“Stop blaming yourself for not being home the time the house blew up. Heejin and Hyunjin unnie had been telling Yeojin that when you left Yeojin here four months ago, you looked like you’re not taking care of yourself. Please don’t throw yourselves away just because of what happened. You know Yeojin wouldn’t like it if you did, wherever she is. You know that Yeojin would’ve wanted you to move on.”**

Haseul sobs harder, so hard that even Heejin and Hyunjin can hear it from the other room, breaking their hearts in the process. **“Forgive me Yeojin. Forgive me for always leaving. Forgive me for neglecting you. Forgive me, please.”**

**“There’s nothing to forgive, Mom. Yeojin knew why you had to leave. Yeojin understands. Please don’t ever think that Yeojin was mad of you because you wanted the best for us.”**

Yeojin looks at her mom like nothing had ever happened, and it only tears their heart more. **“Yeojin loves you both so much. Please don’t forget that, okay? Yeojin will always be here for you, Yeojin will always look out for you two. Yeojin will be cheering for your up there, okay?”** Vivi and Haseul can only nod their head.

After a few minutes of just letting Vivi and Haseul watch and stare at their kid, Yeojin says something.

 **“Ma? Mom?”** Yeojin moves from the kneeling on the floor to settling herself on the couch with her mothers, her head on Haseul’s lap while her legs are on Vivi’s. A drowsy smile makes its way on Yeojin’s flickering face, and that point, Vivi and Haseul know that their baby girl’s bound to go. **“I’m getting sleepy. Can you sing me to sleep like before?”**

Haseul starts humming as her tears shines once again in her eyes, and she looks up to stop them from falling, all while keeping on caressing Yeojin’s head. Vivi holds Yeojin’s hand.

**_Even when the long darkness comes_ **

**_I will rise, dazzling bright_ **

**_To shine on you and only you_ **

**_You, you are my center_ **

**_I’ll collect all of my days, give them all to you_ **

**“I love you both so much.”**

**“We love you too, Yeojin.”**


End file.
